Last year I read Confessions by St. Augustine of Hippo. I highly recommend the book. Even though it was written 1600 years ago, It surprised me how relatable and modern it is. After all this time, daily life seems unchanged, and people continue to be just as sinful.

There was a reflection in the book about Astrology that stuck with me. I am not religious, and not really into the occult. But my friends throughout the years have religiously gone to astrologers, tarot readers, gotten their birth charts drawn and paid for astrology portraits. And I have teased them relentlessly about all of it! Here’s a confession of my own—I have been provokingly annoying at times. I stopped, for the most part, when I realised for myself that searching for a guide in life is a necessity.

In recent years, as we have grown older, they have doubled down on the whole thing. Their obsession is growing stronger. The newest thing is to use GenAI to create Human Design maps. We get more anxious and troubled, but if the stars guide us, everything will get better. And you know what? Augustine thought the same!

In the fourth book of Confessions, he reflects on his youth. Prior to his conversion to Christianity, he was a devout follower of Manichaeism—a religion that believed there is a cosmic battle between the forces of light and darkness. It heavily focused on the celestial bodies—the Sun and the Moon as divine beings, dictating everything that happens on Earth. Astrology was a logical extension to his faith, and it made him obsessed with it. He studied math to understand the mechanics of the stars, and constantly consulted astrologers for advice. It promises that the universe and life are ordered and predictable. For a young guy who was confused and anxious about life, being able to calculate and predict everything felt amazing. It promised him control and understanding.

The issue was, he was deeply unhappy. He speaks of having a “voracious appetite for worldly pleasures”, struggling with his “ambitions and lusts”, and had a child out of marriage /a big no-no/. Still, it wasn’t his fault. It was the stars! If they were guiding his actions, then it was just bad planetary alignment. Later in the chapter he confesses how easy it was to blame “Venus, Saturn and Mars”, instead of taking responsibility for his guilt.

For they [astrologers] say, 'The cause of your sin is inevitably determined in heaven'; and, 'Venus or Saturn or Mars did this'—in order that man, forsooth, who is only flesh and blood, and proud corruption, might be blameless, while the Creator and Ordainer of heaven and the stars is to bear the blame.

Surprisingly, the reason he abandoned Astrology wasn’t Christianity. Manichaeism had massive volumes explaining the structure and movement of the universe. And as he learned more about “the science of the stars” and the precise physical movement of the planets, he realised they did not match what the astrologers were teaching. He calculated the eclipses and solstices, and when they actually happened as he had estimated, it blew his mind.

They foretold what year, what month of the year, what day of the month, what hour of the day, and what part of its light, either moon or sun was to be eclipsed, and it came to pass as they foretold... But Mani wrote about these things as if he knew them all, and yet he was completely ignorant of them.

If his Manichaean faith was fundamentally mathematically wrong, how could he trust it on spiritual matters? He held his beliefs for 9 more years after this realisation. But he wanted to speak to Faustus of Mileve, the greatest Manichaean bishop of the age. The local priests told him: just wait, when he comes here he will explain everything! When Faustus finally visited, St. Augustine arranged a private meeting between them, and laid out his mathematical and astrological problems. And Faustus’ response was simply: I don’t know.

He told Augustine he hadn't studied the secular sciences and couldn't answer the mathematical objections. Augustine describes him as pleasant and very well-spoken, but inadequate to the task of defending Manichaean theology. His true talents lay in eloquently evading difficult questions.

I discovered at once that he knew nothing of the liberal arts except grammar, and that only in an ordinary way. He had, however, read some of Tully’s orations, a very few books of Seneca, and some of the poets, and such few books of his own sect as were written in good Latin. With this meager learning and his daily practice in speaking, he had acquired a sort of eloquence which proved the more delightful and enticing because it was under the direction of a ready wit and a sort of native grace.

After astronomy proved to him that the universe was ordered in a rational and testable way, he studied Neoplatonic philosophy, arguing for a single, infinite source of all creation. And that led him to Christianity, where he concluded that God was a supreme creator and architect of a beautiful, ordered universe. There was no Evil “thing” in the cosmos opposite the Good. He defined Evil as a lack of something, a corruption of the potential for good. There was no preordained fate you can read in the sky. God gave us free will because love requires it. A machine guided and pushed by the cosmos’ whim cannot freely choose it. It cannot love its maker.

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During the pandemic lockdown, I used to take out my Tarot cards and do online readings for my friends and colleagues. And it was so much fun. I had a repertoire—cloaked myself in a black scarf, lit candles, and took out a pendulum I bought in a Vegas secondhand shop... It was exciting in what it got right and absurd in some of the predictions. But also anxiety-inducing, especially in those 4 lockdown months of 2020. Five of Pentacles and Seven of Swords: I should be careful with my finances, as if I’m not already? Death for the 4th time: Maybe I won’t actually die, but how many spiritual rebirths can I have locked in a 45m² apartment?

During that time I also made an Instagram page titled Guided Imagery. My conviction was that Tarot and Astrology could be great tools for self-reflection. I made an Instagram filter to do a daily card draw and curated 3 posts on the topic. In one of the posts, I referenced the brilliantly absurd Ocean-Chart map from Lewis Carroll’s nonsense poem The Hunting of the Snark /which I renamed to Life-Chart/.

In the poem, the Bellman—the eccentric captain of the expedition—brings the empty Ocean-Map to guide his crew. He dismisses all actual navigational tools as "merely conventional signs”. A joke on how complex systems feel arbitrary and often overwhelming to the layperson. The empty map gives the crew a sense of security, because they can “understand” it. Ignoring the fact it gives absolutely zero information.

The Bellman’s crew loved the blank map, it gave them the feeling of having a map without the hard work of actual navigation. Astrology and Tarot offer a similar comfort through the illusion of scientific rigor. The sheer volume of charts, degrees, ephemerides, and mathematical aspects makes it look like a science. You have your sun, moon and rising sign. Different house systems (Placidus, Whole Sign, Campanus). You add in aspects (trines, squares, sextiles), planetary transits, progressions and decans. They’ve even added newly discovered celestial bodies! It makes you feel comfort by the idea that the universe has a strict, measurable order. Even if that order is so tangled that the astrologers most of the time end up relying on their “intuition”.

You can ask the cards, and the stars, as long as you don’t see too much of yourself in them. And what bad can come from knowing you’re “generous, warm and fiercely loyal” as a Leo? As long as you don’t start embodying and excusing being “dramatic, stubborn, and attention-seeking”. Rather than giving your money to astrologers, buy Confessions by St. Augustine. It is a beautiful introspection of a troubled life that finds faith and order in an uncertain world. Uncertainty will still come and surprise us all, but the least we can do is learn to live with it.

PS: The title of this post is from the amazing album Thank Your Lucky Stars by Beach House.

PPS: The day after I wrote this, a friend called stating that Mercury Retrograde had started, and we should be vigilant! She followed this up by telling me some mutual friends of ours are stranded in Doha because of the war in the Middle East—somehow connecting the two. Surreal.